Search

Amazon introduces new household robot programmed to monitor, mediate marital disputes


Nashville, TN - Amazon announced a new line of products on Tuesday, including Astro, a household robot programmed to monitor and mediate marital disputes.


Along with general household monitoring features, Astro boasts an incredible list of functions that will help ensure marital bliss:


Eliminate "He said, She said" - Astro will continuously record every household conversation and interaction. In the event of disagreement or miscommunication, Astro can replay video-on-demand to show actual events definitively.


Advanced Marital Counseling Mode - Astro comes with advanced counseling functionality designed by leading martial counselors.


Arbitration Mode - If couples cannot resolve a disagreement themselves, Astro will listen to both sides of a dispute and determine the winner.


Trigger Word Alert - In the event couples use trigger words like "Calm Down" or "You're Acting Crazy," Astro will sound a Trigger Alarm to avoid escalation of disagreements.


D-Mode - If Astro's vast functionality still can't save a marriage, D-mode will recommend attorneys and lead the couple through their Divorce.


Amazon Astro is expected to be released later this year.


For more unbelievable stories, follow us on Facebook.


Good Mental Health is No Joke

The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.