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Amazon introduces new household robot programmed to monitor, mediate marital disputes

Nashville, TN - Amazon announced a new line of products on Tuesday, including Astro, a household robot programmed to monitor and mediate marital disputes.

Along with general household monitoring features, Astro boasts an incredible list of functions that will help ensure marital bliss:

Eliminate "He said, She said" - Astro will continuously record every household conversation and interaction. In the event of disagreement or miscommunication, Astro can replay video-on-demand to show actual events definitively.

Advanced Marital Counseling Mode - Astro comes with advanced counseling functionality designed by leading martial counselors.

Arbitration Mode - If couples cannot resolve a disagreement themselves, Astro will listen to both sides of a dispute and determine the winner.

Trigger Word Alert - In the event couples use trigger words like "Calm Down" or "You're Acting Crazy," Astro will sound a Trigger Alarm to avoid escalation of disagreements.

D-Mode - If Astro's vast functionality still can't save a marriage, D-mode will recommend attorneys and lead the couple through their Divorce.

Amazon Astro is expected to be released later this year.

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