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Americans feeling much safer after UFO report by top experts reveals we know nothing

Washington, DC - Americans breathed a sigh of relief on Friday after the US intelligence community released its long-awaited report on what we know about UFOs.

After an in-depth study of 144 sightings, the expansive 9-page report features over 143 doodles of UFOs with the words "I got nothing" written over and over.

"I feel so much better knowing the nation's top experts did such a thorough job studying what could be the greatest threat to humanity." said one man on the 9-page report.

One expert we spoke to told us, "We've been working around the clock for nearly a year to assure the American people we have no idea how to protect them if these things, whatever they are, turn out to be hostile."

According to sources, the research team will now turn their focus to studying art to improve their drawings in the next report.

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