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Creepy uncle who can't crash Thanksgiving sends cardboard cutout

Nashville, TN - Jimmy Thompson, better known as Creepy Uncle Jimmy in inner circles, sent a cardboard cutout to his family on Thursday when he was unable to show up uninvited for Thanksgiving.

The cutout came with a note reading, "Hey, brother. Sorry, I couldn't be there in person this year, but who knows what you people have. Kiss Janine a real good one on the lips for me and tell her I'll see her soon."

Thompson's letter went on to instruct his brother where to place his stand-in at the dinner table.

"Please put me as close to Janine as possible, but away from that baby. You know how I feel about slobbery kids."

The festive letter ended with a request to borrow money and detailed instructions on how to store the cutout for Christmas, just in case.

Reports suggest the cardboard likeness is currently stationed in the garage near a recycling bin, waiting for placement for dinner.

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Good Mental Health is No Joke

The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.


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