Washington, DC - A nationwide call center opened for business on Thursday to assist Americans with canceling each other. The following is a quick review of the process.
After an initial welcome, callers are prompted to make selections from an automated menu:
If you are a Democrat, press 1
If you are a Republican, press 2
If you are an Independent, press 3
If you are unsure, press 4
Callers are then directed to a new menu to specify who or what they are canceling:
If you are canceling a person, press 5
To cancel a company, press 6
If you would like to cancel a children's author or toy, press 7
For all other cancelations, press 8
From there, callers will speak to a highly trained cancelation specialist who will process the request and offer additional tips.
In our review, we were able to cancel a competing satirical news outlet in less than thirty minutes.
Call center representatives say they expect call volume to be extremely heavy over the next few weeks and ask for patience until the service center is fully staffed.
"Please be patient with us," said the spokesperson. "The last thing we want is to be canceled ourselves."
Online services and a cancelation app will roll out later this month.
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