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Rogue military leader stages coup de tot in cafeteria fry line

Updated: Dec 31, 2018


FORT CAMPBELL, KY - Military police were dispatched to a Fort Campbell dining facility on Tuesday to investigate an apparent coup de tot at the mess hall’s fry station. The incident occurred around 12:58 p.m. when witnesses say Sergeant Sam Sanders jumped over the serving counter, stole a worker’s hair net and began dumping all the tasty tots from the food line into his bowl. “I was in line behind SGT Sanders,” said Private Pete Preston, “He seemed really nervous that they would run out before he got to the front. He kept mumbling ‘come on, come on’ and looking at the dwindling pan of tots. Then he just snapped. It happens. It's Tater Tot Tuesday."


After further investigation, The Inquisitor uncovered documents showing this is the eighth coup de tot in the last 18 months. All of them occurring near the end of the lunch period on the third Tuesday of the month, better known as Tater Tot Tuesday or T3 by soldiers at the base. One anonymous soldier said, "T3 is a tradition. We have a countdown every month. It's sometimes the only thing that gets us through the tough times. We love it."


Earlier today, The Inquisitor shared their alarming findings with the Fort Campbell dining commission and insisted they take immediate action for everyone's safety. As a result, they agreed to suspend all future Tater Tot Tuesdays and thanked The Inquisitor in a short letter sent to all soldiers. The letter of appreciation read, “Thanks to the people at The Inquisitor of Nashville, we now have to cancel all future Tater Tot Tuesdays. Please take a moment to show them your appreciation.” The kind note concluded with the names and home addresses of The Inquisitor’s entire staff, as well as phone numbers and email information in case soldiers would like to send us a message.