Washington, DC - According to reports, President Trump plans to watch the Vice Presidential debate in the White House theater with cardboard cutouts of his closest family and friends.
Sources say Trump slid a guest list beneath his bedroom door early on Wednesday morning, instructing staff members to create the cutouts and position them in assigned seats in the theater.
Guests include Senator Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump Jr., Vladimir Putin, Ivanka Trump, and Kim Jong Un. Eric Trump was also on the guest list, but the president specifically instructed staff to place him "somewhere in the back of the theater."
Sean Hannity and Jared Kushner were surprisingly missing from the list. When pressed for a reason, an anonymous aid said, "The president wanted to limit the guest list to his inner-inner circle. He just wanted a small, intimate gathering of cardboard cutouts."
The Vice Presidential debate kicks off at 8:00 p.m., Central Time.
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