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Vaccinated perk-lover now addicted to donuts, beer and playing lottery

Dayton, Ohio - When Dayton-native Kyle Garrett learned he could get free perks for getting vaccinated, he went that day.

Now, six weeks later, Garrett has joined a 12-step program for his addiction to donuts, beer, and playing the lottery.

Garrett told reporters, "At first, it was great. I would stop on my way to work to get a free donut and then grab my free beer at a local bar on my way home. Then, it got out of hand."

Around the same time, a local gas station began offering free scratch-off lottery tickets to vaccinated customers and the state of Ohio initiated a $1 million lottery for vaccinated residents.

"I knew I had a problem when I started 'borrowing' my parent's vaccination cards to get extra donuts, beer, and scratch-offs," said Garrett.

Garrett described one day when he called off work simply to visit various donut chains, bars, and convenience stores to collect his free perks. He would often wear a disguise if he visited the same place twice using his parent's vaccination cards.

Fortunately, Kyle says he is already seeing improvement and is back to one free donut, beer, and lottery ticket each day.

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Good Mental Health is No Joke

The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.


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