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Valiant effort to avoid Girl Scout table at Walmart ends in 6-case cookie purchase

Nashville, TN - Nashville native Steve Williams did everything possible to avoid the Girl Scout Cookie table outside a local Walmart on Sunday. Still, he ended up walking away with six cases of assorted treats.

Williams told reporters, "On the way in, I snuck through a side door. But on the way out, I accidentally made eye contact for just a split-second, and, well, I now have 72 boxes of cookies."

Williams describes the experience as bordering on the supernatural.

"I barely looked in their direction, but it's like they have tractor beams that pull you in. And when they told me about the new flavors, resistance was futile," said Williams.

Williams said on Tuesday morning that he has vowed to shut himself in his house for the next several weeks, avoiding all storefronts and his front door.

Fortunately, he still has around 50 boxes of cookies left to survive the lockdown.

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The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.


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