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After two cases of hypothermia, local office splurges on brand new heating system

Nashville, TN - Things are heating up at Nashville-based J&M Enterprises...literally! After two confirmed cases of office hypothermia, management announced on Wednesday that the company had completed the installation of a brand new heating system.

"We are excited to announce that we just finished installation of a top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art heating system," read an email obtained by Inquisitor Nashville. "It's now safe to come back to work."

The memo encouraged employees to pack a light winter jacket, beanie, and gloves until the unit is at full capacity. However, it did not offer a timeline on how long it would take the system to heat the 20,000 sq. ft. office or mention the current office temperature.

In related news, the company released a flashy new flyer for current job openings on Wednesday morning that promises prospective candidates $10/hour, health care benefits, and free heating and air-conditioning.

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Good Mental Health is No Joke

The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.


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