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Advice! My childhood imaginary friend just showed up with a moving truck. What do I do?


Dear Inquisitor,

I've been self-quarantined for 36 days with no human contact other than the back of the Instacart driver's head as he's running away. That all changed today when my childhood imaginary friend showed up with a moving truck full of everything he owns. What do I do?

Thanks in advance,

Gary


Dear Imaginary Gary,

First off, please know that no one on the Inquisitor staff has a psychology or medical degree except for one guy and he stole it off his dentist's wall. Having said that, I think we can help.


The first thing we would suggest is checking out what cool stuff he has on the truck. If, for example, he has a nicer TV or a better coffee machine, it might be worth letting him stay.


We would also recommend sitting down and having a serious discussion about what streaming services he is subscribed to. If he has ones you don't have or is willing to financially contribute to your current lineup, then maybe give him a chance.


If you are going to let him stay, consider instituting a mandatory 14-day quarantine for your friend. You have no idea where he's been and who he's come into contact with. Also, insist on a probationary period of 30-60 days based on the current stay-at-home projections.


Finally, be sure to set firm house rules. You need to discuss sleeping schedules, office space, noise levels, cleaning duties, bill sharing, and so much more. It's important to be clear and direct during this conversation. It's essential that you are both on the same page. The key is to put it in writing and have him sign it, assuming a court of law can see his signature.


Best of luck,

The Inquisitor


Joking Aside

This is a lonely and scary time for a lot of people, especially those who are by themselves at home. Please take a moment to check on your family and friends. A short "hello" could make all the difference. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please encourage them to call the Tennessee Statewide Crisis Line at 1-855-CRISIS-1 (1-855-274-7471).


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