Washington. DC - FBI officials are warning Americans not to accept any underpants sent from Vladimir Putin this Christmas after investigators learned a Russian politician was poisoned through his Fruit of the Looms.
"We are asking all Americans to be vigilant and refuse any undies sent from Mother Russia, no matter how comfortable they may look," said a spokesperson in a recent briefing.
In addition to Putin, Americans should also be wary of any packages from strangers named Kudryavtsev, Tayakin, or Peskov. They should especially avoid underpants displaying a skull and crossbones or the word Novichok.
If you have already received an unsolicited pair of underwear, do not return them to Walmart. Throw them away. If you have already tried them on, seek medical treatment immediately.
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