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Assisted living commune banishes Martha for prematurely yelling BINGO three times this week

Updated: Dec 22, 2018



ANTIOCH, TN A fun committee representative from the Antioch Assisted Living Commune announced today that they have banished Martha McReady from their community for prematurely yelling BINGO three times in a calendar week. Justin Timberlake (no relation to the much better-looking singer) said, “Martha was aware of the rules and was given multiple chances to correct her behavior.” Martha’s roommate, Gertrude McMillan, said, “It’s sad. Martha was a nice lady but she was so competitive, especially with Phyllis, our reigning BINGO champion. Martha was always scheming to get inside Phyllis’ head and throw her off her BINGO game. I’ll miss her, but she brought this on herself.”

The Inquisitor asked Phyllis about the BINGO incident and she said, “Jimmy and the kids are going to stop by next Friday. They usually come on Fridays every other week. Billy drew me this picture the last time they were here. Do you want some candy? I love candy but I’m really not supposed to have it...”

Martha was reportedly air-dropped to an undisclosed location and left with a month supply of food rations, snake repellant, a survival knife and a first-aid kit. She was not available for comment at the time of this publishing, but satellite data says she is doing fine

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