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Nation nervous after '90% of things we worry about never happen' slips to 89%

Nashville, TN - The nation is feeling a little less easy today after a new study finds "90 of the things worry about never happen" is now at 89%.

Despite experts acknowledging that the change is within a 3% margin of error, many Americans are expressing their concern.

"Of course, I'm nervous," said a local man. "We need to all come together and make stuff not happen."

Researchers in a competing study are also reporting some surprising results that will be officially released later this week. Its tone is more optimistic.

According to the lead researcher Thomas Neville, "We all just need to take a deep breath and relax. Based on our findings, it is still true that 90% of the things we worry about never happen 40% of the time."

This is a developing story.

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Good Mental Health is No Joke

The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.


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