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New barista way too happy for 6 AM

Nashville, TN - Dozens of customers at a local Nashville cafe filed complaints on Monday after the store's new barista exceeded their tolerance for morning happiness.

One patron told the manager, "The new guy is way too happy for 6 a.m. He needs to tone it down ASAP."

Another customer said, "Listen, I'm glad he's friendly, but if he's going to be this damn chipper every morning, I'm going to have to find another cafe."

By 7:15 a.m., the barista reportedly received 42 customer complaints and four compliments, suggesting that 9 out of 10 people prefer a more solemn AM cafe experience.

The manager agreed to coach the employee and move him to the kitchen if his positive behavior continues.

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Good Mental Health is No Joke

The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.


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