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Russia assures world repeatedly that new vaccine not just syringe full of Smirnoff

Moscow, Russia - Russian President Vladimir Putin announced the approval of the "world's first" Covid-19 vaccine on Tuesday, taking special care to assure the world that the vaccine is not just a syringe full of Smirnoff Vodka.

"Russia is proud to once again prove we are the first and the fastest in innovation. We have registered the world's first vaccine against coronavirus and I can personally assure you that it is not just a needle full of Smirnoff that we are trying to pass off as a vaccine. Trust me." said Putin.

Putin went on to explain that he tested it on his daughter and she loved it, even asking for more samples for her friends.

Armed guards then escorted the lead scientist on the project to a podium where he explained again that the vaccine was is in no way just the popular beverage.

"As the leader of this research, I can personally attest that this vaccine is not Smirnoff or any other vodka or vodka by-product."

The guards then escorted the scientist out a back door into a waiting car.

The vaccine, which was created in a few weeks, is expected to be ready for distribution mid-August. It will reportedly be available in Green Apple, Orange, Cranberry, Raspberry, Vanilla, Strawberry, Blueberry, and White Grape.

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