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Senate confirms Bernie's Mittens as Secretary of Exterior Apparel

Washington, DC - After initial objections, Bernie Sander's mittens were confirmed as President Biden's Secretary of Exterior Apparel on Wednesday night.

"Bernie's Mittens are clearly the right choice for this important position," said Utah Senator Mitt Romney. "You can't go wrong with a Mitt."

Reports suggest Biden struggled to find the right candidate for the position until Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders showed up at the Inauguration with the show-stealing hand warmers. An outpouring of online support and interest led President Biden to make the nomination, moments after being sworn into office.

In related news, a mysterious Bernolith has been discovered in the Utah desert.

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Good Mental Health is No Joke

The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.


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