Pennsylvania - After losing eleven days of campaigning to the coronavirus, President Trump plans to make up for lost time by speaking from the wing of Air Force One during swing state flybys.
A Trump spokesperson told reporters, "Our new Trump Express Rally format will allow us to cover 90% more ground in 5% of the time. There are literally billions of Americans wanting to see the president and we don't want to disappoint anyone who is old enough to vote."
The Trump campaign made it explicitly clear that the new socially-distanced speeches had nothing to do with COVID-19 and reminded supporters that the president is completely immune to the coronavirus and most other diseases.
A full list of the campaign non-stops has yet to be announced, but the president is scheduled to fly by the John Murtha Johnstown-Cambria County Airport in Pennsylvania later today.
For more unbelievable stories, follow us on Facebook.
Good Mental Health is No Joke
The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health
emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.