Nashville, TN - Vanderbilt Athletics has announced that alcohol will be available for purchase at Vanderbilt Stadium beginning on August 31, just in time for the Commodores' first 2019 season loss to Georgia.
A spokesperson for the team told journalists, "We believe that alcohol sales will enhance our fan experience by distracting them from what's going on on the field. We feel like it's a real win for everyone, except the team."
Prior to the 2019 season, SEC programs were prohibited from selling alcohol in SEC venues, including Vanderbilt Stadium. Commodore fans were forced to sneak alcohol in using fake cell phone-shaped flasks or hidden compartments in their clothing. Now, they will be able to publicly drown their disappointment with beer and wine sales by stadium-licensed vendors.
For the further convenience of fans, alcohol sales will begin two hours before kickoff, giving them plenty of time to emotionally prepare themselves for the upcoming likely defeat. It will also be available in multiple locations so fans don't have to stumble very far for another round.
Sources say that a portion of the revenue generated from selling alcohol to college students will support the prevention of alcohol abuse by college students. One drunk college student we spoke to called the plan a genius idea.