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'Why risk it?': Dolly Parton bubble-wrapped, secured in vault for rest of 2020

Sevierville, TN - With only three weeks left in 2020, the U.S. Department of National Treasures decided on Saturday to bubble-wrap Dolly Parton and secure her in a hermetically sealed vault, surrounded by elite soldiers.

"Why risk it?" said a DNT spokesman. "2020 is almost over, and we need Mrs. Parton more than ever. I just wish we'd done it sooner."

Parton is well-known for her generosity and support of worthy causes. Just in the last few weeks, it was revealed the singer had donated a million dollars toward the development of a COVID-19 vaccine. This week, she saved a 9-year-old girl by pulling her out of the path of an oncoming vehicle. The list goes on.

Fans say they 100% support the move but will miss seeing the star over the next few weeks.

The DNT is also implementing similar measures for Betty White and Morgan Freeman.

Who else should be secured? Let us know.

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The Inquisitor Nashville is a work of satire. We aim to promote positive mental health through the power of laughter. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.


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